It is one of thsoe days when I just dont feel very competent in what I do for a living. Most likely I am sitting the pity-pot at this point, but when you get so few responses from so many people that you send applications to, it is hard to not feel as if your talents are hardly needed. I imagine all the types of people that are applying for this stuff alongside me; they are tenured veterans, probably with twice the experience if not more than me, and I think they are just going to be beating down my door. It is not realistic, and I hope that I am not being overconfident of myself.
Tracy and I talked this morning about the job stuff, and eve though she is trying to be encouraging, I can't help but feel like I have just screwed myself. I feel as if I am putting the entire family's wellbeing in jeopardy, which I have, no matter how much of it is my fault or not.
I have been putting off this MCP certification test for so long, and for no other reason but me being test-phobic. After all the times I failed Calc exams, I have never been able to get past the fear of failing tests now. I have got to get that first exam out of the way, and more importantly, pass it.
Must be entering the Bargaining Phase of coping. I don't like bargaining. I get these feelings of trying to find ways to mend things with Pro-Tec, not that there is any feasible way to do that, Dale made himself pretty clear when we first talked about this.
The tough question is: "If this whole situation implodes on me, no job offers at the end of April, do you go and beg to Dale and Frank?" Every bone in my body writhes at the thought of that, but its the family that has to come first. Or would something like that be pointless, and they would never change their minds anyways...
